This blog is starting to move away from the academic needs of my project, but I think that's okay. If this semester is about learning, I'm definitely doing that!
Today I met a friend for lunch. This is a friend I don't know very well, but she was in the neighborhood of my work and the timing was good. We sat and chatted about things, it was very nice. When the bill came (it was modest, $20 for two people,) she offered to pay. My first instinct was to absolutely NOT let that happen. I'm always the one who picks up the check, mostly out of generosity and gratefulness that my friends are around me. But, I can be honest. Some of it is insecurity and the hope that someone might like me just a little bit more because I happened to pay for their food.
I first said, "Oh, you don't have to do that! I have cash!" but then she offered again and I stopped myself. I felt two things: 1. I should accept generosity just as often as I am generous. 2. my friend will not think any less of me for "letting" her pay.
I like the concept of reciprocity when it comes to picking up the check. Obviously, nobody likes a mooch, but nobody expects one person to pick up the check every time either. It was okay for me to accept this gift from my friend. In some ways it was an exercise in accepting abundance for today. I also had to accept that I am worthy company and it's not a sign of weakness or even being cheap if I allow someone else to pay now and then.
Letting go of not always paying is a tricky one for me, but when I think about it, I understand why it's important.
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