Not about money

After our last class meeting, I have been thinking more about "happiness" and figuring out what might be my intersection of happiness and productivity. And by "productivity," I mean making a living wage.

I haven't done the full Venn Diagram yet, but in a conversation with a friend this evening, I point blank said what my ideal life would be like. I would be making jewelry and going on extensive road trips. I don't want a big house or a fancier car or just about any major material product. I want security in my health coverage, the ability to pay my most basic bills, and the freedom/time to pursue the two activities I most enjoy. Of course, since I don't have a patron, my next step is figuring out how to make an income doing my two favorite things. There are plenty of people who make a living selling jewelry, just as there are people who make a living doing travel. Can I combine the two? Can I alternate between the two? What kinds of resources can I locate that might help me figure out how to get paid for travel?

I also faced my massive fear while talking with my friend. My biggest fear is facing my 70 year old self in the future and having her be angry at the 42 year old me who didn't stay in a job just 3 more years so she would be vested in the pension plan. I don't consider myself unduly impulsive, but right now, the thought of 3 more years of my current job cause me great sadness. I wanted to say "despair" but that would be a misuse of the term and an insult to people who are truly suffering. I also live with a healthy awareness that every day is a gift and I need to find the balance between honoring what my soul thinks I need NOW while trying to be a responsible steward for the potential future me. It's a common thought, to consider that if I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how my life went? Right now, no. I would have regret that I'm stagnating and that I'm not living up to my potential in my current work.

With these thoughts come a responsibility to myself to work harder on my goals. I need to define them better and plan in a more concrete way. If not now, when?