Last Journal entry

I feel like I have ruminated on quite a bit through my writings here. My project involved a lot of internal work, I didn't feel like I could really get to the "meat" of anything as far as steps to complete my work. The reading and research was fairly easy and very informative. The compiling of personal data wasn't much of a challenge either. The work I did was mental and emotional. How do I quantify that in a presentation?

I'm really not sure how to explain what it felt like to pick up an expensive wedge of cheese, look at the price, figure out my "life units" and put it back. It felt very strange. It felt like I was denying the little girl in me something she really wanted. I have had many many moments like this.

Part of the issue is the very common trap of, "I work hard to make money, so I should be able to spend that money on things I want." Of course, by truly analyzing my "wants" I can see that it's not serving my true needs. My true needs are more about time and my future. Another lipstick will not help me with anything. An expensive wedge of cheese is unhealthy as well as completely unnecessary. It doesn't even offer much temporary happiness, it's just another bad habit I picked up as my income went up.

The issues that truly get me down in life revolve around my work schedule and spending so much time on something that is unsatisfying. The answer is out there for me, it's right in front of me, but the changes and choices I have to make are complicated and emotionally difficult.

Downshifting vs. Voluntary Simplicity

Getting into the real research details of my project, I'm learning that there are two designations (at least) when it comes to changing spending habits. There are "downshifters" and "new frugality" or "voluntary simplicity". It's not too hard to learn the differences. Downshifting is probably what I'm doing, although the demographics for this category tend to skew older. Downshifter philosophy tends to lean towards having a more enriching life, having more time to spend with loved ones, and finding a budget and lifestyle that is more in tune with those values. Voluntary Simplicity is almost spartan living. Truly minimizing possessions, to the point of hardly owning anything. While a downshifter might drive an older car, someone following Voluntary Simplicity would not own a car at all, relying on walking, biking, and public transportation as needed.

I like the concept of Voluntary Simplicity. There is a communal feeling to the lifestyle that I appreciate, but in a lot of ways, it does separate people from their old friends. A new community can develop, but it's hard to have an average social life if you have no car and don't pay for dinners out or movies. This is the point where you would need to seek out Simple Living peers, because they are the only ones who would truly support and understand what you are doing. For this reason, Downshifting appeals to me more. I can remain in my community and easily maintain friendships and connections. I feel like I can make more choices, rather than rejecting everything I have come to know in my life.

There is a lot of appeal to the Voluntary Simplicity movement, but in my current living situation, it would be impossible.

Sliding back even farther

Already this month, I feel the pull of how I used to be. Spending money relieves my stress. Seeing money in my checking account seems to be a trigger for me to spend. I still get caught up in using my money for instant gratification rather than the future. It's obviously a deep problem, and not just with me.

My biggest spending seems to be on food, which doesn't surprise me. Although I enjoy cooking, I'm not good at meal planning and I also default to take-out food after a long day at work. It takes a lot of energy and preparation to have meals ready to go each day. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm single, so I feel like I have more freedom. That would make sense, but it's not great for me in the long run.

While starting to pull my monthly budgets for comparison, I can see that I made really drastic cuts in February, and then some old habits crept back up in March, and now this first week of April. Just because I'm more aware, it doesn't mean that the mental changes I need to make are easy.

Setbacks, but not too set back

The main, final goal of the Financial Integrity plan is stash away enough savings in an interest bearing type of account so you can live (frugally) off the interest. For many people, this can take a decade or more, and that is fine. The point is, there is a goal, it's a hugely motivating goal, and it will keep you on track.

So, I have analyzed my spending habits. I have budgeted tighter than ever and realized it's not such a huge pain in the ass and it can actually be quite satisfying. I have paid off all revolving debt and am left with the larger debt of a car loan and my student loans. To do this within 3 months is huge for me, and it shows that I have a lot more room to "play" with my budget than I thought. Phase 2 is coming on now where I move in with my boyfriend, but rather than find a larger space for both of us, we are both minimizing our lives and staying in his inexpensive 1 bedroom. We both have fears about this because it's a small space and it's not the most pleasant place to live. The money saved will make it worth it, though, if only for a year or two.

Now that those plans are underway and the calculations are done, I see that I am still very far from the ultimate goal of the program. I don't know how to handle this information because I took this on with a real sense of urgency and now it feels like I'm still stuck in my current situation for many years to come. I have to increase my savings and eliminate about $40,000 total in debt before I'm truly DOING IT and I don't know how I'm going to stick out my current job for that long. It's never as easy as finding a new job, both because of the current economy and also because if I'm just jumping from one situation to another similar situation, what's the point?

As I try to not be disheartened by this realization, I am focusing on the good. By researching the rise of modern marketing and the creation of consumer culture, I feel like I've broken (mostly) free from a really horrible cycle. My goals of lessening my imprint on the earth, of minimizing my contribution to worldwide labor abuses, and of mindlessly giving my money to false promisers, have all been met. The changes are happening, even if they are too slow for my taste.

catching up and falling behind

I was on "vacation" last week and I definitely let everything slide. Not just course-work and reading, but also the following of "the plan." It's hard to make sweeping changes, even when I know they are positive. It's so similar to dieting or quitting smoking or any of the things we know we should do to be happier and healthier.

This leads me to today. Today I'm struggling with what I need to do and what my immediate gratification needs are. I realize that my greatest desire is to have more freedom. For most of my life, security was what I longed for. I have always worked. Since I was 12, I have worked so I could have freedom because at the time, freedom was money. Because, at the time, having money meant I could buy the things I wanted. Now I don't want to buy. I don't want things. I want time. That's the shift.

I think part of this comes from the hard-earned knowledge that security is fleeting and unreliable. Last year, I helped nurse one of my best friends through horrible cancer treatments. This year, I am gearing up to do it again for another friend. I'm starting to consider my hours spent at work to be wasted hours. Not only do I face my own mortality every time a friend falls ill or falls down or gets in a car accident, I also face my fear that I'm wasting the few precious years I may have left. Hell, it could just be a few precious hours! I literally could be hit by a car today, or a crazy person on McAllister could stab me in the neck (it happens here!) I am not going to live in fear, but I also don't want to live in this limbo I'm in now.

It's not that I don't want to work. I can derive great pleasure and satisfaction from work. It's not that I want to eschew all material goods. I just bought a necklace yesterday because the design touched me and the pleasure I receive from owning and wearing it will be worth it. It was a well-considered purchase and I don't regret it. I didn't buy it to fill a hole, I bought it because I admire the craft and the beauty. This is a shift in my values.

I have slipped during the past few days. I have been buying coffee and lunch again at work and when on vacation, I wasn't as frugal as I could have been. I can see that this is my reaction to stress. I am stressed about my mother's health. I am stressed about my friends and their suffering and struggles. I am stressed about this class and my homework and timeline and the Statistics class I'm also taking. And worst of all, I am stressed about being in a job I don't like.

I have to find the balance again. February was a good month for me in terms of making the "right" choices and I felt good. I have to get back to it.

It's okay to say yes and thank you

This blog is starting to move away from the academic needs of my project, but I think that's okay. If this semester is about learning, I'm definitely doing that!

Today I met a friend for lunch. This is a friend I don't know very well, but she was in the neighborhood of my work and the timing was good. We sat and chatted about things, it was very nice. When the bill came (it was modest, $20 for two people,) she offered to pay. My first instinct was to absolutely NOT let that happen. I'm always the one who picks up the check, mostly out of generosity and gratefulness that my friends are around me. But, I can be honest. Some of it is insecurity and the hope that someone might like me just a little bit more because I happened to pay for their food.

I first said, "Oh, you don't have to do that! I have cash!" but then she offered again and I stopped myself. I felt two things: 1. I should accept generosity just as often as I am generous. 2. my friend will not think any less of me for "letting" her pay.

I like the concept of reciprocity when it comes to picking up the check. Obviously, nobody likes a mooch, but nobody expects one person to pick up the check every time either. It was okay for me to accept this gift from my friend. In some ways it was an exercise in accepting abundance for today. I also had to accept that I am worthy company and it's not a sign of weakness or even being cheap if I allow someone else to pay now and then.

Letting go of not always paying is a tricky one for me, but when I think about it, I understand why it's important.

Not about money

After our last class meeting, I have been thinking more about "happiness" and figuring out what might be my intersection of happiness and productivity. And by "productivity," I mean making a living wage.

I haven't done the full Venn Diagram yet, but in a conversation with a friend this evening, I point blank said what my ideal life would be like. I would be making jewelry and going on extensive road trips. I don't want a big house or a fancier car or just about any major material product. I want security in my health coverage, the ability to pay my most basic bills, and the freedom/time to pursue the two activities I most enjoy. Of course, since I don't have a patron, my next step is figuring out how to make an income doing my two favorite things. There are plenty of people who make a living selling jewelry, just as there are people who make a living doing travel. Can I combine the two? Can I alternate between the two? What kinds of resources can I locate that might help me figure out how to get paid for travel?

I also faced my massive fear while talking with my friend. My biggest fear is facing my 70 year old self in the future and having her be angry at the 42 year old me who didn't stay in a job just 3 more years so she would be vested in the pension plan. I don't consider myself unduly impulsive, but right now, the thought of 3 more years of my current job cause me great sadness. I wanted to say "despair" but that would be a misuse of the term and an insult to people who are truly suffering. I also live with a healthy awareness that every day is a gift and I need to find the balance between honoring what my soul thinks I need NOW while trying to be a responsible steward for the potential future me. It's a common thought, to consider that if I died tomorrow, would I be happy with how my life went? Right now, no. I would have regret that I'm stagnating and that I'm not living up to my potential in my current work.

With these thoughts come a responsibility to myself to work harder on my goals. I need to define them better and plan in a more concrete way. If not now, when?

The Temptation

One of the cycles I get into, still (maybe forever,) is that there are just some days when I feel like I "deserve" to spend money on something non-essential. For a long time, it was make up/creams/etc. and I think I just finally hit a wall with that. I'm embarrassed when I even think about it. Talk about senseless spending. I always felt smug that I don't have a "shoe problem" like so many women joke about. Part of the reason is because I have a hard-to-fit foot, so lots of shoes I might have bought wouldn't fit anyway.

Today I got led down the clothing path by a friend's posting on Facebook. She mentioned dresses at Old Navy and I thought, "Hmm, I wonder what kinds of dresses they have?" and I browsed for a bit and started adding things to my cart. As I added each item, I mentally justified why I wanted it, usually I would just convince myself I could wear it to work. Fortunately, I'm not going to work naked now, so the reality is that I don't need new clothing. I have my standard outfits that I wear, and everyone in my office has seen them all, just like I've seen all their outfits. We don't care. This isn't some ad agency, we work in a University and as long as there aren't any visible tears or stains, it's good.

My online cart had 3 items and with a coupon added, my total was going to be $68. I used to think that under $100 was basically a wash, it barely registers, so why not? How many purchases per month did I rationalize this way? It pains me to consider it. And now, the Financial Integrity plan comes into play, Figuring my ACTUAL wage down to about $12 / hr (again, taking into consideration hours spent driving/shopping for work items/actual work/money spent on food at work, etc.) That means that I'm sacrificing more than 5 hours of "life energy" for three pieces of clothing. Absurd, no WAY am I doing that! And that's the plan in action, the plan working. It's not about denial, it's about figuring out what I value and giving that priority. I value those life energy hours enough now to feel better putting it into savings, rather than buying more clothing that I don't even need.

And finally, Old Navy clothing is bottom line cheap because it's made in sweat shops. They can claim they are adhering to labor and safety rules, but where? Indonesia and China? We all know the makers of these clothes are working 12-16 hours for hardly anything. Karmically, I'm starting to worry more and more about this. I don't want to contribute to that any longer.

I felt a victory today. A small one, and a tough one, but I did it!

research notes

I stumbled upon the Center for the New American Dream and found the ultimate sources to link my personal project to the greater external world. There are some really exciting ideas floating around, communities around the world that are really making a difference in their own well being as well as their ecological footprint. There are also authors who contribute to the site who also write books about exactly what my tie-in is: marketing, need-creation, wastefulness.

Looking forward to exploring more!

The physical act of frugality

Tracking expenses has gone a long way towards giving me a picture of my money, my habits, and my priorities. According to the Financial Integrity plan, the first month usually goes really well. Just like dieting, people are very motivated and they scrimp and save and see huge results and get excited. BUT, making lasting change is difficult. The authors consistently stress that if you feel deprived, you aren't doing it right and you will not last in the program. The biggest step comes when you convert your income into what they call "life energy" units. You figure out your actual wage, taking into account commute, car expenses, clothing expenses, lunches out that you would not spend on if you weren't working. That TRUE wage can then be broken down into the life energy units. It's at this point that you start to see the value of certain things, as well as the value of your own time.

There is a lot of re-conditioning in the book to stop thinking of money as just numbers, and to start thinking of it as something physical that actually represents your time on this earth. It's pretty heavy stuff.

On to something else, cooking. I LOVE cooking, but as the book points out, a lot of us who work full time feel like we don't have the time or energy to actually cook once we get home from work. I'm luckier than most since my time is my own, but I also suffer from fatigue easier than a lot of people so I know exactly what they mean. The key to cooking now is preparing in advance, using ingredients on hand, and making enough for at least 2 meals, usually more. The other day, I bought lunch at work because there is this rotisserie chicken truck that comes by my work on Wednesdays and I'm addicted. It's $7 for a quarter chicken and some potatoes. Usually I eat the entire thing, or maybe toss some of the scraps that are left. This time I ate only until I wasn't hungry, then took the rest home. I was able to make a chicken salad sandwich for dinner and I cooked down the carcass into about half a cup of rich broth. No, that's not very much, but it's making better use of everything than I was doing before. It was also very easy since I just popped it in a pot with some water and cooked it down for about an hour. I froze the broth and I'm sure I'll use it soon.

The next cooking project was to use some beans I bought a month or so back. Everyone talks about how beans are so economical and healthy, but i've never cooked them. I found a cheap and easy bean soup recipe and made enough for a few meals. Finally, I made something called "garbage soup" which is basically taking all vegetable matter from the fridge and cooking it down for an hour. This included stems and leaves from some fresh beats, some wilted celery, half an onion, a handful of mushrooms that were way past their prime, and some carrots. It makes a veggie broth that isn't big on flavor without seasoning, but it's a great base for all kinds of other things. I poured it into muffin tins which I will then dislodge and freeze as discs of rich broth.

All in all, I enjoyed the frugal method of cleaning out the fridge. Except for dish clean up, it was all easy to do and I feel like I'm learning more about "waste not, want not" as well as making my food dollar stretch even more.

still sliding

Your Money or your Life will often draw comparisons between learning to change spending habits with learning to change eating habits. I'm a bit of an old saw at the latter, so it's no surprise that I recognize the patterns and problems there.

 

Starting with Thursday and my extravagant dinner, I kept slipping. Another trip to the grocery store here, a couple of expensive cupcakes there. Breakfast out on Sunday. These things are all "bad," for me right now. Not in a judgemental way but in a deeper way that I'm finally "getting" from within the program. Today really stuck out because I bought breakfast at work, I bought lunch at work and I went to a very expensive French bakery and spent the equivalent of breakfast AND lunch on a hot chocolate and some mousse. Staring me right in the face is the fact that I am self-medicating with food again, and I'm medicating a depression that comes from feeling stuck at my job. It's such an obvious cycle and it's just as the book describes.

 

I had a very specific trigger today, so it all makes sense and it all upsets me because one thing I loathe is when I'm "typical." None of us want to "fit the mold" but I feel like I do more often than I'd like. My trigger today was an unusual one, though. My workplace is going through re-structuring and they were offering a buy out plan for employees who were willing to leave before lay offs started kicking in. The buyout was substantial. Probably not substantial enough for someone with kids or a mortgage, but I have none of those things. The cash in hand after taxes would have supported me at least through this year. I have no intention of not working, I just needed a little freedom to find other work with a better schedule and lesser commute.

 

So, today I found out that my position is considered "critical" which means they won't let me go, which means I'm back to square one in terms of my plans to quit my job. Because I'm not a diligent saver, I'm trapped in my current work. It hit me harder than expected because I felt some hope that it would go through. I started having some dreams about what I would do with my time. Most of my dreams involve alternative ways to make money, but on MY terms and in MY time. I'm a hard worker! I don't want to loaf around, but working for someone else on someone else's schedule is not part of my dream.

 

Today was a negative day because I spent money recklessly on food I didn't need. I spent money out of boredom and disappointment, not out of hunger, not even out of desire. A dumb-luck, easy way out of my situation did not pan out, so I'm not in worse shape that I was before, but I'm no better off either.

 

In other news, I've been digging a lot deeper for source material for my paper and research. Hoping to have it all finalized before our next class meeting so I can work on writing the paper and suspend the research.

The Inevitable Fall From Grace

It was inevitable that I had a pretty major backslide in my plan. Big changes are difficult to take on and I was making so pretty drastic cuts to how I was living my life.

The concept of “I work hard so I deserve a treat,” is my biggest stumbling block lately. Several of the simplicity books I’m reading claim that this is the heart of the problem. Which comes first? Working so we can treat ourselves, or treating ourselves because we are so unhappy working? Naturally, there are many people who enjoy their work, but for those of us who slog through each day and dread each morning, the few crumbs of pleasure we can attain through spending cash are the best we can hope for. It’s obvious to me that this is twisted logic, but it’s a habit and a pattern.

So, last night was a long work day and a very bad commute due to an accident. What normally takes about 40 minutes took 70. I was starving when I got home, frustrated from feeling trapped in my car crawling along the freeway. As soon as I walked in the door, all my plans about making dinner vanished. I announced to my boyfriend that I was taking him out to dinner and we were going to the closest restaurant. I pay for this convenience because it’s a somewhat expensive Italian place, but it’s only two doors away so there is minimal hassle to get there. When all was said and done, I was about $94 in the hole. Not in debt, but that should have been my food budget for two weeks, not one meal.

As I’m assessing the damage now, I feel a little beaten down. While the books tout a supreme feeling of satisfaction at conquering the impulse to spend money on unnecessary things, so far I feel somewhat deprived and very far away from my goal.

Beating myself up about it is not going to do any good, so I start fresh today (well this afternoon since I also indulged in a coffee drink and pastry.) I will commit to eating only food I already have on hand as well as planning for the coming week ahead of time so I’m not pushed into spending and eating scenarios.

On the plus side, my impulse to shop for makeup, clothing, and house wares has been kept at bay and I’m reevaluating a lot of my thought process when it comes to that kind of thing. Soon I will be taking an inventory of my silver jewelry in hopes of selling some of it off. I already know I’m going to be shocked by the volume since I recently found a box of items that I had forgotten I even owned. More purchases I made to appease some little monster inside me who wasn’t happy with her lot in life. Things aren’t the answer.

The Big Trigger

I started the working title of my project with the following: "78 Lipsticks. . ." and this is no joke. I own at LEAST 78 lipsticks. Some are different colors in make up pallettes, some are glosses, some are even vintage, but it doesn't matter. This is more lip color than I will ever use. Looking for an ironic note? I don't even like wearing lipstick! I once read that the average woman EATS more than a tube of lipstick per year because, of course, the lipstick comes off on food and drink and down it goes.

So, to me, lipstick represents something other than just fun make up. It represents a promise that I'll look more beautiful. It represents that I acknowledge all the marketing that goes into selling make up to me. Show me a 17 year old super model with glowing, perfect plump pink lips and I genuinely believe that a part of my brain thinks I will look just like her if I just spend the $18 on this petroleum product. Again, remember that I DON'T EVEN LIKE WEARING LIPSTICK!

I think I mentioned that I don't like wearing lipstick yet I just checked my purse and I have 10 tubes in there. I have to laugh, it makes no sense! And with this realization comes the understanding that I have a big trigger. I am insecure. As I age, I become ever more insecure about the superficial. I am surrounded by a lot of love, but still, I worry. I worry about my skin and my eyes and, yes, my lips. I also succumb to the notion that "I work hard, I deserve pampering."

This all comes about because I get regular emails from Sephora, a make up superstore. I'm such a good customer, I get special offers all the time, offers of "free" items that aren't really free because they require a purchase of anywhere from $25 to $50. I just got one today. Immediately, I wanted to buy something, anything, so I could take advantage of the "free" offer. I spent several minutes mentally going through my cabinets, trying to think of something I "needed" and the truth is, I don't need anything from there. While lipstick is what I used to illustrate my problem, beauty products in general are the real culprit. I have shelves over-flowing with eye shadows and creams and soaps and scents, most things I can't even be bothered to use regularly. I'm the perfect target because I'm never quite satisfied with the results so I'm always looking for more, better, stronger, prettier. It's a search I'm never going to satisfy because it's all smoke and mirrors. My aging isn't going to stop. My lips will never look like a 17 year old's. I spend so much money on a huge category of product that is almost completely worthless.

Nobody ever remembers me as "that woman with the great eye shadow." People remember me as "that funny woman," or "that generous woman," or even, sometimes, "that confident woman." That should be enough.

Already seeing benefits

I realized some time ago that I was on spending autopilot because I had the income to do it. It wasn't wise, but it's just how things worked out. It's interesting to note studies that say people's expenses expand to meet their income. I always thought if I made, say, $10,000 more than I did at any point, that $10,000 would be gravy. It would go into savings. But that never happened. As my income increased, so did my spending. My debt never seemed to go down either, it stayed the same.

Without even really starting the "Financial Integrity" plan, I already realized where I could make some quick and dirty cuts. For one, I stopped buying breakfast and lunch at work. Bringing lunch is no big deal, it just involves me stocking up on frozen foods or cooking the night before. Thanks to microwaves and a long lunch break, it's no problem. I also discovered a better room to eat lunch at work so I don't feel like I need the reward of sitting in some restaurant. Not only have I saved money (probably $100 total in just 2 weeks,) I also lost 3 pounds.

I also did a complete re-think on my grocery shopping. Since I only cook for one or two, I never considered that I could still save quite a bit. I love coupons and sales, don't get me wrong, but food budgeting seemed like something for bigger families, not for little ol' me. My worst habit would be deciding what I wanted for dinner BEFORE shopping, then buying what I needed whether it was on sale or not. Safeway offers an online coupon source and targeted deals that made me realize I should be shopping for what is cheapest that week and what is on sale, then using that for my meals. This is a turnaround for me and it's making a big difference. I even got free tomatoes thanks to their targeted discounts. FREE!

The little changes have been kind of fun so far. I know I have a long way to go, and I am worried that my short time frame isn't going to show enough change to make a good presentation. I think I will have enough anecdotes to share some lessons, but thinking about making it bigger is holding me up. Might have to read more books after all.

luxuries

On days when I'm not working on bigger pieces of my project, I'm still trying to be aware of how I look at money, spending, and pleasures. One of my favorite things is good coffee and in trying to curb my daily visits to the coffee store for a pre-made drink, I've started to find an alternative in home-brewing. Since I developed such a snobby taste for my coffee, I can barely tolerate cheap, stale, bad tasting brew. I made an effort by buying the cheapest coffee Trader Joe offers, $4.99 a can for whole beans. While they smelled good, the resulting cup was absolutely disgusting and undrinkable to me. What does this mean in terms of my wider goal of minimizing my expenditures? One of the main tenets of "frugal living" is to buy quality, assuming that this will avoid the quantity purchases I make to over-compensate. Another tenet is to "make do". I struggled with this! Should I try to "make do" with coffee that doesn't taste good to me? I felt there had to be a compromise where I can choose some things that I will splurge on while cutting back in other areas.

I have settled on the cheapest beans from Peet's coffee, which run $12.50 for a pound. A pound of beans will last me well over 2 weeks, but this is still only saving me 50% off of buying the coffee pre-made from the shop. PLUS, the shop provides the sugar and milk. Ideally, I will find beans I can tolerate that cost less than $10 a pound.

All of this is to illustrate that quite a bit of the frugal living movement is pretty boring and incredibly self-involved. I know I struggled with taking this on as my senior project because it was so unbelievably navel gazing, but there is a broader scope. Consuming less is environmentally sound. Managing money wisely is a good example to set. Being aware and conscious when making purchases adds to the value of my choices. Hopefully this will make it all seem worthwhile.

Pulling Sources, Having Breakthroughs

Pulling together more resources this weekend. I have been working from “Your Money or your Life, but I need more. Just ordered the following (USED!) Be Thrifty: How To Live Better With Less , The Simple Living Guide: A Sourcebook for Less Stressful, More Joyful Living by Janet Luhrs , and Shed Your Stuff, Change Your Life: A Four-step Guide to Getting Unstuck by Julie Morgenstern. I realized that I need to connect more with Thoreau again and re-visit Walden, although it isn’t isolation I seek so much as freedom from need of things. I also started to remember studies I’ve read about happiness and rates of happiness as correlated to income/acquisition. If reality TV has taught us anything, having money and having things doesn’t make for an easy or better life. I will have to research the happiness studies so I have some data to back up what I think I remember reading.


On a personal level, I’ve taken several very basic, but really life changing steps in the past weeks to start on the road to buying less. One of the first things I did was unsubscribe from every coupon, discount, and bargain email list that I was on. I was spending money on things I didn’t need because of the great deals. I even bought some coupons that ended up expiring before I got to use them, money thrown down the toilet! I also unsubbed from all the regular online merchant emails I was getting, even Amazon and Zappos, my two favorites. It’s not that I won’t use the sites ever again, it’s that their daily or even weekly emails were enticing me to make purchases that were unnecessary. They triggered needs in me that I didn’t actually have until I saw the images. I have also made it a point to purchase coffee to make at home, rather than support my daily latte habit, which was costing me over $700 a year. Finally, I have made a point of bringing my breakfast and lunch from home, something I have always been too “lazy” or “bored” to do. I recognize now that I use the promise of the latte as motivation to get up. I also use a $12-$15 lunch out as a “reward” for making it through at least half of the day at a job I don’t enjoy. The job is costing me money! This is exactly the point made in step 2 of Your Money or Your Life.

While I’m having a lot of difficulty making the mental changes needed as outlined in Your Money or Your Life, it’s easier to remember the motivation. I’m working today, a Saturday. And while it’s all legal and I will get “comp time” on another date, I feel a somewhat intense sadness that I’m living this life where I have no choice but to work according to someone else’s schedule. I’ve been thinking more and more about choice because while I feel powerless over most of my time, it’s all in how I look at it. As I go through the exercises about the value of my time, or what my hourly wage TRULY is according to the calculations in the book, I’m starting to learn more about choice. I’ve never been a real “keep up with the Joneses” type of person, but I definitely respond to marketing that says I “deserve” certain foods or jewelry or trips or treats because I “work so hard.” Would the inverse be that I don’t have to work so hard if I don’t need the material goods? And really, it’s not that I don’t want to “work hard” it’s that I feel I am spending a lot of time doing work for someone else. And if I analyze THAT, it’s not that I mind working for someone else, I’m just looking for work that is more meaningful. And then, I get stumped. I don’t even know what is meaningful to me at this point. How can I be 42 and not know what is meaningful to me?

SENIOR PROJECT- GETTING STARTED

Feb. 1st seemed like a good starting point, I have done some work in getting my sources together, but I haven’t taken any action. Today is payday, the day I pay rent and some other bigger expenses, so it I’m going to brutally track my cash flow, this would make the most sense. My total paycheck amounted to $2487.21 for the month. My rent is $1150 (just increased today.) I had only $385.89 left in my checking, so the paycheck was just in time for me.