The Temptation

One of the cycles I get into, still (maybe forever,) is that there are just some days when I feel like I "deserve" to spend money on something non-essential. For a long time, it was make up/creams/etc. and I think I just finally hit a wall with that. I'm embarrassed when I even think about it. Talk about senseless spending. I always felt smug that I don't have a "shoe problem" like so many women joke about. Part of the reason is because I have a hard-to-fit foot, so lots of shoes I might have bought wouldn't fit anyway.

Today I got led down the clothing path by a friend's posting on Facebook. She mentioned dresses at Old Navy and I thought, "Hmm, I wonder what kinds of dresses they have?" and I browsed for a bit and started adding things to my cart. As I added each item, I mentally justified why I wanted it, usually I would just convince myself I could wear it to work. Fortunately, I'm not going to work naked now, so the reality is that I don't need new clothing. I have my standard outfits that I wear, and everyone in my office has seen them all, just like I've seen all their outfits. We don't care. This isn't some ad agency, we work in a University and as long as there aren't any visible tears or stains, it's good.

My online cart had 3 items and with a coupon added, my total was going to be $68. I used to think that under $100 was basically a wash, it barely registers, so why not? How many purchases per month did I rationalize this way? It pains me to consider it. And now, the Financial Integrity plan comes into play, Figuring my ACTUAL wage down to about $12 / hr (again, taking into consideration hours spent driving/shopping for work items/actual work/money spent on food at work, etc.) That means that I'm sacrificing more than 5 hours of "life energy" for three pieces of clothing. Absurd, no WAY am I doing that! And that's the plan in action, the plan working. It's not about denial, it's about figuring out what I value and giving that priority. I value those life energy hours enough now to feel better putting it into savings, rather than buying more clothing that I don't even need.

And finally, Old Navy clothing is bottom line cheap because it's made in sweat shops. They can claim they are adhering to labor and safety rules, but where? Indonesia and China? We all know the makers of these clothes are working 12-16 hours for hardly anything. Karmically, I'm starting to worry more and more about this. I don't want to contribute to that any longer.

I felt a victory today. A small one, and a tough one, but I did it!