It was inevitable that I had a pretty major backslide in my plan. Big changes are difficult to take on and I was making so pretty drastic cuts to how I was living my life.
The concept of “I work hard so I deserve a treat,” is my biggest stumbling block lately. Several of the simplicity books I’m reading claim that this is the heart of the problem. Which comes first? Working so we can treat ourselves, or treating ourselves because we are so unhappy working? Naturally, there are many people who enjoy their work, but for those of us who slog through each day and dread each morning, the few crumbs of pleasure we can attain through spending cash are the best we can hope for. It’s obvious to me that this is twisted logic, but it’s a habit and a pattern.
So, last night was a long work day and a very bad commute due to an accident. What normally takes about 40 minutes took 70. I was starving when I got home, frustrated from feeling trapped in my car crawling along the freeway. As soon as I walked in the door, all my plans about making dinner vanished. I announced to my boyfriend that I was taking him out to dinner and we were going to the closest restaurant. I pay for this convenience because it’s a somewhat expensive Italian place, but it’s only two doors away so there is minimal hassle to get there. When all was said and done, I was about $94 in the hole. Not in debt, but that should have been my food budget for two weeks, not one meal.
As I’m assessing the damage now, I feel a little beaten down. While the books tout a supreme feeling of satisfaction at conquering the impulse to spend money on unnecessary things, so far I feel somewhat deprived and very far away from my goal.
Beating myself up about it is not going to do any good, so I start fresh today (well this afternoon since I also indulged in a coffee drink and pastry.) I will commit to eating only food I already have on hand as well as planning for the coming week ahead of time so I’m not pushed into spending and eating scenarios.
On the plus side, my impulse to shop for makeup, clothing, and house wares has been kept at bay and I’m reevaluating a lot of my thought process when it comes to that kind of thing. Soon I will be taking an inventory of my silver jewelry in hopes of selling some of it off. I already know I’m going to be shocked by the volume since I recently found a box of items that I had forgotten I even owned. More purchases I made to appease some little monster inside me who wasn’t happy with her lot in life. Things aren’t the answer.
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